Well the long talk on the phone that I was wishing for happened but not for long enough.
I have camp in a couple of weeks and we're going canoeing and camping. I love camping but I have this thing with canoeing. IT's my big phobia. I'm fine to hope in one, but once I'm out in the water I start breathing fast and start crying and loss control. Scott still wants me to go on camp but I know I wont be able to handle it. We'll be canoeing for 3 days and I can't canoe for 5 minutes.
By the way Scott works part time, at a canoe place.
He thinks I'll be fine but I know; no. I don't want to hold back my year with my stupid phobia. But I will. So I think it's better if I just don't go. And for that week I'll do work experience somewhere. Which I think will be a good experience.
Scott wants me to do this for him. But this isn't about him this one thing is about me. I would like for him to take me out canoeing before camp to see if I could get use to it. But I don't want to ask him cause he'll just think I'm not scared anymore but the thing is that I feel most safe when I'm with him. And I trust him more than any one so I know he'll keep me safe.
I'm not scared of drowning well I am but it's not about falling out of the canoe, it's that I'm scared of getting pulled away from the other canoes in a current. And never be able t oget back. I'm afraid.
Annalisa
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Annalisa,
ReplyDeleteI think you should ask Scott to take you out canoeing before camp to see if you can get used to it. But tell him how you feel, that you're still scared. He'll understand.
If you're really nervous you could stay close to the shore/ dock for a bit to get used to it, then see if you can do it in an area with still water. If you still can't stand the thought of going to places with currents, could you just avoid that on the trip?
If not, maybe you and Scott could find time to go out some day just the two of you, to an area where you can be alone and work through it without anyone else around.
Sometimes our fears take time to conquer, sometimes we just never get over them. And there's no shame in that. But if it's important to you and you take baby steps, you might find you can someday work up to the currents.
I think if you can waterski or swim you can one day overcome this. You're a strong person and I admire that in you. Just make sure you don't push yourself or allow anyone else to push you into it before you're ready.
Barry
Hey Anna,
ReplyDeleteThis is what I think is the most beautiful poem ever written and my personal favourite. It has nothing to do with canoeing, it was written by Lord Byron who I'm sure was never even near a canoe and never had time for one (although a romantic, he was notorious for his numerous affairs and scandals). I like to throw random stuff at you so you'll never know what to expect!
She Walks in Beauty
She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies,
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes,
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impair'd the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress
Or softly lightens o'er her face,
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling place.
And on that cheek, and o'er that brow
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent-
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent.
-Lord Byron
Yer I think that's right. Also a teacher of mine knows my fear and is coming on camp and she said I can go in the canoe with her.
ReplyDeleteI love love love the poem it's beautiful.
Annalisa
Anna, I answered your question about another poem earlier:
ReplyDelete"Annalisa said...
I think you wrote it Barry :)
I printed it off, its on my wall I read it every day.
Race? Huh?"
Barry said...
Race refers to the line,
"Each day's uncertain race"
It's a metaphor for the daily unknowns, the worries you sometimes have for your future with Scott. So when I asked how your race is, I was asking how you're dealing with those uncertainties. :)
B
Well my race has been going very well, of course the future is still unsure but I becoming to drain less on the uncertain and more of just enjoying the time we have.
ReplyDelete:)
Annalisa
Thank you so much for that poem it's so beautiful and making me smile I wake and read it and go to sleep and read it. It's always floting somewhere in my head.
:)
You're welcome for the poem Annalisa. I don't know how long we'll know each other but at least you'll always have it long after I'm gone.
ReplyDeleteThe poem has special meaning to me because it celebrates one of the greatest romances I've ever seen, and that's the story of you and Scott.
I wasn't going to tell you, but a couple weeks ago I asked a professional printer who I've known for years to prepare two copies of it for you. He should have it ready in a week or two, and I'll send it to you when I (hopefully) buy your Sunrise at 6 photo.
I hope Scott will read it one day soon and see how I feel about your relationship with him, because I actually wrote it for the two of you.
Barry
Thank you so much Barry you know you don't have to do thatif you don't want to.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry Scott is going to read it.
I'm going to send the print over free of charge Barry.
Anna