My Phobia

Well the long talk on the phone that I was wishing for happened but not for long enough.

I have camp in a couple of weeks and we're going canoeing and camping. I love camping but I have this thing with canoeing. IT's my big phobia. I'm fine to hope in one, but once I'm out in the water I start breathing fast and start crying and loss control. Scott still wants me to go on camp but I know I wont be able to handle it. We'll be canoeing for 3 days and I can't canoe for 5 minutes.
By the way Scott works part time, at a canoe place.

He thinks I'll be fine but I know; no. I don't want to hold back my year with my stupid phobia. But I will. So I think it's better if I just don't go. And for that week I'll do work experience somewhere. Which I think will be a good experience.

Scott wants me to do this for him. But this isn't about him this one thing is about me. I would like for him to take me out canoeing before camp to see if I could get use to it. But I don't want to ask him cause he'll just think I'm not scared anymore but the thing is that I feel most safe when I'm with him. And I trust him more than any one so I know he'll keep me safe.

I'm not scared of drowning well I am but it's not about falling out of the canoe, it's that I'm scared of getting pulled away from the other canoes in a current. And never be able t oget back. I'm afraid.

Annalisa