With being worried about the future has changed me when I'm around Scott. I don't mean to do it though, its just I worry and stress. I've always been a person who stresses out easily.
Lately I've I been acting not as fun loving a less happy around him. Scott isn't making me unhappy, I'm making myself unhappy when I'm around him, because I'm scared of missing out on doing things that a normal couple would do which we can't when he leaves school at the end of the year.
(Normal couple is being at the same stage of life I think).
I know it is stupid to worry about what other people do, so I'm going to try and do that heaps less. And I also think not being at the same stages of our lives together makes it more of adventure. By saying that the only thing we aren't at the same stage is that he finishes school earlier than me, the rest we are at the same with. Eg. What we want in the future for us is the same.
I know we wont be able to do some of the things that other couples will be able to do but we'll do everything that we can.
Scott and I have both said that we will both stay together at the end of the year but I still worry, like it's in my nature to worry. I think I just have to trust that everything will work out. Me and Scott bounce off each other if I'm unhappy he'll be too. I don't want us be be stressed out and unhappy.
Hear me say it now I will relax to the hardest and just be happy "just be."
Scott makes me the happiest person alive and everyone knows that including me. I just have to learn how to relax and not stress. You have a live to live it right? So I'm going to live it.
When I see Scott next I'm going to be more fun loving for me and him. I'm sick of being unhappy with myself it's hurting me alot. I'm hurting myself because I'm scared of hurting myself in the future which is stupid I need trust myself more and trust my thoughts. Deep down I know everything will be ok with me and Scott at the end of the year. I don't want to be negative I want to show I'm happy. Because I am happy inside but lately I haven'y being showing it that well on the outside. I need to know how. But it's weird because I'm a crazy smily person but my happy body language hasn't been that good lately.
I want to stay young with Scott forver but we're both getting older and growing together which I love. I want to keep on doing so throughout the years to come with Scott. I'm a sort of person who loves adventure but also wants to feel safe and have sercurity at the same time. Some people might find that boring or not exciting. But my safety zone is with Scott and I love having adventures with him.
Please please can people comment on this I need to know what you think.
I love Scott D'Arcy
Talk soon
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Hey Annalisa,
ReplyDeleteI'll give you my thoughts later on this, I don't have much time now and it's too important to rush. I want to take some time to think it out,I've got a lot from your writing so I want to give something back to you.
I've been where you are so I think I have an idea of what you're going through, my dear. A lot of people go through it so you're not alone. Even when Scott's not there you have friends around you and at least one in Canada. :)
So in the meantime keep your chin up and think good thoughts!
Big smile,
Barry
Thank you Barry for taking this seriously for me. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI know I'm not alone I guess but it feels like it. I live in a small town and I swear Scott and I the only one that is going through it right now :(
But I'll keep checking that my chin is up.
:)
Thank you your a great friend.
Annalisa
Thank you thank you thank you Barry
ReplyDeleteHi Tiger,
ReplyDeleteI'm going to stay up until I've answered this. I know it's important to you, so I'm not going to make you wait another 24 hours. Because it's important to me too. :)
Anna, keep in mind I'm not a professional so anything I say is based on my life experience. If you haven't already, you should talk to your close friends and get their opinions. Maybe show them what I've written to see if they think I'm on the right track. I'll never say I'm always right.
I may add more later, I'm less alert before bedtime so there may be some things I miss. And yes I am in my jammies! Check back on this post later to see if I said anything else.
This will be no-shit, straight-up as I see it. Keeping in mind that the whole world can read this I'll probably keep a few things to myself until the day we can correspond more privately.
Okay. Take a deep breath and relax.
Seriously. Take a deep breath and slowly let it out. I'll wait.................
Finished? Good. Now let your mind relax.
Before a relationship can work you need to make sure you're happy with yourself, that you don't feel the need for someone else to validate you. That goes for Scott too, but right now we're talking about you.
Before you and Scott ever met you were an individual. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship, but now that you're together you're still an individual. Scott can make you HAPPIER, but he can't make you a happy person.
You're obviously very fun-loving and caring, which is why I love reading about you. If you're not feeling like yourself these days you have to ask yourself why, which it sounds like you're doing.
I think the first thing you need to do is realize that we're ALL at different stages of our lives. Comparing yourself to other people is going to kill you inside, and I think you know that. Never mind where other people are at in their lives, concentrate on what you and Scott have together. It sounds beautiful and you have to believe that things are really moving in the direction in which they should.
I remember when Sandy and I were getting serious, I always wished for the day when we could have our own place and have sex on the kitchen table or swing naked from the chandelier if we wanted to without worrying about our parents being around. Sound familiar? I KNOW it does. :)
Enjoy this time where you're at NOW Annalisa, don't rush it. You're both young and you have your whole lives ahead of you. If you two are meant to be together you'll get through things and make it last. What you're feeling right now; the anxiety, the uncertainty, the worry, is all part of the process. It happens more than you think to more people than you think.
But remember too that about 85% of what we worry about never happens. So I suggest you make a list of the things that are happening that worry you. Not the what-ifs, but real, concrete things.
Then ask yourself not what's stopping you, but how you can work around them. If you do that I think you might find that most of what you're worrying about isn't real, or if it is it's not as insurmountable as you think.
Okay, normal. Exactly what is 'normal' these days? My idea of a normal couple is two people who love each other. That's it. I don't care whether they're young, old, black, white, straight, gay, whatever. Love is love. By definition in my books that makes you and Scott normal, I'm afraid. :)
Trust me if you dare, it doesn't matter what stage of life two people are in. They can make it work. You should thank God for the differences between where you and Scott are because you can learn from each other. As a matter of fact, I wrote the quotation I posted in my blog on April 5th after speaking with a student at work who is about half my age.
So we've come full circle. Because you and her are at about the same stage in life. Which means I can learn from you too. And I already have. You have more to offer people than you probably think.
Don't be in a hurry to live your life Annalisa. You're over-thinking things. Just treasure the time you have with Scott and lean into it. (I don't exactly know what that means but it sounds good). :)
Life is a beautiful mystery. Be thankful for each day you get to wake up and add another piece to the puzzle.
Just be.
Warm thoughts always,
Barry
x
Oh yeah, and I didn't want to tell you until you finished reading it, but I accidentally deleted about half of what I wrote and had to start over. So now it's definitely nappy time!
ReplyDeleteB
Hello Barry,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I haven't replied earlier my internet wasn't working today. I'll put some posts up today if I'm not too tired, long day today.
Thank you again Barry for doing this I know you don't have to. Your pretty amazing you know your helping someone you've never meet and making her feel happy. Thanks.
I have asked my friends for their opinions but I think I need a more serious and mature answer. And it'd be great to hear from someone who's experienced it too.
I'll be waiting for the day I can talk to you privately. And hear you accent :)
Sorry serious now.
I too quite a few deep breaths.
I think I'm very happy with myself and I'm sure Scott is too. And he's starting to figrue out what he's going to do at the end of the year for his job. But yes I think I'm happy with myself I love where I am at life and with what I doing.
I think I probably work on being an individual more. Scott and I started working on this a while ago and we need to get serious about it again.
Sex on a kitchen table the dream :) Very familier. Not to have worry about the family watching over us is really what me and Scott need but we can wait.
I have to enjoy the time I have now with Scott and know the time will last. The anxiety is killing me I just got off the phone with Scott and I just brought into tears. I think I almost wish this year was over so me and Scott could continue with our lives and finish this part of the process. But I think we just have to get through it.
Can you remind me to do a post about my worry and how to get around them?
I have to find out what my real worries are and forget about the fake ones.
I think I'll just have to deal with being a normal couple thanks Barry. :)
I trust you alot now. I have to learn to make to our different stages in life to the best ways posible. Argh doesn't make sense.
I have to learn from the different stages to make us grow.
I will live life, treasure time and lean into it :)
And i wont be in a hurry to live my life.
I'll wake up every day and make my puzzle grow.
Love and happy thoughts from,
Annalisa
Many thanks
By the way Barry you'll be sent a wedding invitation in the future for you and Sandy so you have to come to Australia.